Going to Wal-Mart?
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following:
your 20's: Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a
shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes.
Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne
because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while
standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running
30's: Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts
and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands
and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of
your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is
the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
40's: Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt
that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on
different shoes and a hat. Wash your
hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want
to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart.
Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy
young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird
thinking she is spicy.
50's: Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe
the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to
get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not
to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running
the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.
Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and
it says, 'I Got Worms.'
Stop what you are
doing. No need for a hat anymore.. Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The
mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on
so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may
be cute but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
70's: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to
Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready. Don't even notice the
dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because
you remind her of her grandfather.
80's: Stop what you are doing.
Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart.
Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for.
Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old
lady who greeted you at the front door.